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Can Energy Healing Mend Negative Patterns in My Relationship?

Reader Question:

graphic: conflict

Is it possible that a husband and wife could have so much negative energy around their life that the negative pattern just repeats for many years? If so, how can it be corrected? Even down to separation? Can someone in this energy cycle learn how to use energy medicine for themselves and to help treat others? I am desperate for answers.

Nancy’s Answer

'm sorry that you're feeling desperate. Please, take a few deep breaths right now, ground and center,  and know that your life can be better.

Certainly it is possible for a couple to have a negative pattern that repeats for many years. I think many marriages are stuck in such a pattern.

And of course it can be corrected -- there is always hope in every situation. Old relationships can learn new tricks. (Except that if there is an addiction involved, the addiction must be resolved first.) However, resolution of the negative pattern may take more time, effort, and change than you want to invest.

Or you may decide that your relationship is important to you, but the specific form is not. In other words, you may decide that your relationship works better with a bit more distance, or as a friendship rather than a marriage. Or that you may need a period or periods of separation, which can help energetically to clear the air and break a pattern. Those are issues that only the two people involved can sort out.

It is also possible for relationship patterns just to finally wear themselves out -- to run out of steam till one day you and your partner find yourself slipping into the pattern again, and you just look at each other and start laughing, because you're doing it again and it all seems ridiculous. And that will starve the dynamic of the energy that it's feeding off of.

Of course, a good marriage counselor can really help with all of this, but I am assuming you've already done counseling.

And there are specific "techniques" that can help -- remembering why you fell in love in the first place; saying 5 positive things for every negative one; spending quality time together every day; old-fashioned communication -- that sort of thing. They have a way of shifting the energy.  Sometimes you have to start the ball rolling by yourself. The old adage that you can only change yourself is really true -- but the other side of that is that when you change yourself, you are changing the relationship, too.

And I suggest that you read Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now. He talks about the "pain body," and I think it may be a very useful concept for you and your husband.  It is a way to look at what (sounds like) is happening to you -- and a way to free yourselves from it. It's not an exaggeration to say that it could change your whole life.

A wise teacher once told me that as long as both people in the relationship are still growing, then the relationship is overall a positive one -- even if there are negative parts to it (excluding abuse, of course).  So that may be something to think about as well.

And yes, you can learn to use energy medicine for yourself and others. I think that it could be very helpful to you to learn some energy healing techniques for yourself. Grounding and centering could help you stay balanced and calmer. The "zip-up" could help you get less entangled with your husband's energy. Almost any energywork you do for yourself is going to help.

And both giving and receiving energy work are healing, calming, and restorative, and there is no reason why you couldn't give energy work to others. Certainly, our own lives don't have to be perfect in order to help others (or there would be only one or two people in the world who could do healing work!).

Just don't do energy work for someone who doesn't want it. Specifically, don't do energy work for your husband unless he gives you permission (and not just grudging permission), and don't try to change your husband with energy work. Back to that "you can only change yourself" thing. Work on grounding yourself, staying centered in your own energy, keeping your own energy as clear and pure as possible.

With all of this advice, I am assuming that neither one of you is in physical danger from your relationship. Of course, in that case, you need to assure your physical safety first and foremost.

I hope that helps.  I wish you the highest good.

Blessings and light,

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